8 Ways You Can Tell If You Are Being Benched

Benching is a way of someone keeping you in a state of limbo, until they decide whether or not they’re truly interested in committing to you. Think of sports – when players are benched they’re not in the game, but are on the sidelines just in case they’re needed back.

This is effectively the same as someone benching you in your dating life. You’re out of play for now, but in case they run out of options, or decide they want you, they know you’ll be there waiting.

Benching, sometimes referred to as bread-crumbing, is a way for them to make sure you don’t become disinterested, while keeping their options open. It means they can put in minimal effort, minimal commitment, and still know that you’ll be there on the end of their hook for when they decide to make an appearance.

It happens a lot through text, social media, and online dating sites, as this provides a safe, comfortable place to hide without having to be forced into committing to any plans. Having various options available gives them an ego boost, and gives them a backup in case you decide to walk away and leave them with no one.

# They’re hot and cold

After texting and flirting for a while, they suddenly become distant or say things that appear to be out of character for no reason. And then a week later, they’re back to being fun and flirty. These attitude changes become more frequent, depending on how interested they are in keeping you around.

# You see minimal effort

Sometimes it feels like you’re the only one that’s making any sort of effort, while they manage to put in barely any at all.

People generally put time and effort into things that they think are important, so if they don’t think you’re worth their time, then walk away for good.

# All talk, no action

After a while, you start to notice that they tend to make a lot of small promises that never actually materialize. They promised you’d hang out at the end of the week, they promised they’d message you in the morning, they promised to call you when they get home. But then every time they back out last minute, or you don’t hear from them for a week – if at all.

# The classic excuse

When you don’t hear from them for ages, they’ll always use the same predictable line – they’ve ‘been so busy’ that they haven’t had time to message you back.

# It’s all a magician’s act

You may not have heard from them in days, or weeks, and just as you’re about to give up on them, they suddenly re-appear again. It’ll generally be in the form of a flirty text or well-timed whatsapp, and it’s a great trick to keep you from realizing that you deserve more.

If you find this happens relatively often, then ignore them and instead invest your time in someone who doesn’t constantly disappear on you.

# Test it for yourself

If you want to check if you’re being benched, text them right now and suggest going for a coffee date when they’re free this week.

If they respond with ‘Yeah sure, when do you want to go?’ you’re probably fine. But if they respond with uncertainty, or decline and suggest doing it some other unspecified time, then they’re stringing you along.