9 Strategies For Understanding Attention Seeking Behavior

Is no amount of attention enough to satisfy you? As a teenager, I used under-the-radar methods to get noticed, such as: lying, playing the victim, being moody. But if youíre into the more in-yo-face variety of attention seeking behavior you might: dress provocatively, say things like, ëmaybe I should just kill myself,í argue all the time.

Either way, attention seeking behavior sort of makes you the center of things. Which sort of feels rewarding, in a crooked sort of way.

# Getting your needs met

Achieving happiness and fulfillment is an art. There is no equation for achieving theseóthatís completely up to you. Explore and find out what makes you feel like youíre getting most of your needs met. Look deep inside and be truly honest with yourself.

# Not lying

The hardest thing is to tell the truth when itís inconvenient. But this is when itís especially important. Doing this one thing massively improves your life long-term, even if it creates problems short-term.

On the opposite end, lying creates webs of misunderstanding and chaos that become almost impossible to make sense of.

# Not being a hater

We live in an age of trolling. When somebody has lots of light on them, attention-seekers may want to bring them down, to make that person feel small or to show them up. Rather than building themselves up, the hater focuses on what others are doing.

# Checking arrogance/narcissism at the door

Arrogant or narcissistic people feel like the world revolves around them. Or that theyíre just better than everyone else *others seem weak or pathetic*.

Arrogant/narcissistic people may feed on compliments and on being talked about. But without this they feel worthless. Checking this way of thinking, when it pops up, brings you a bit closer to earth.

# Not caring what others think about you self-worth

If you feel you need fame in order to feel like youíre worth a damn, fame actually wonít fix that insecurity.

Entrepreneur Gary V said it bestóhe simply cares more about what he thinks of himself than what others think of him. Seriously, not BS, he really cares more about his self-opinion than the opinion of others about him and doesnít give a f*** about how they judge him. Developing this way of thinking does crazy things for you. *As long as youíre not an A-hole about it, needless to say i.e. respect the lives of others*.

# Being the private hero of your own story

When you get attention you become the center of everything. Until, like Bella from the Twilight series, you dive from cliffs just to get your ex to come save you. But truth is there are more important personal challenges, such as past traumas or phobias or fears, which you avoid.

The key with facing fears is to start low and with yourself, not with changing others. Gaining these ëprivate victoriesí over yourself *inner resistance* adds up over time invisibly until they reach a tipping point. And thatís when people say things like ëshe was an overnight success.í

# Developing intense focus

The opposite of distraction is deep focus. This involves focusing on one thing and cutting off all other distractions for around 90 minutes at a time. This practice builds up the ability to focus on one thing without needing constant novelty. Thereís a book about this called Deep Work and another called The Shallows.

# Knowing ënegativeí emotions are addictive

Whether that be a scandal, betrayal, gossip, or something that makes you feel like the victimÖ drama causes your body to secrete endorphins, which reduces feelings of pain and gives you pleasure. Drama also triggers your body to release dopamine, which makes you feel euphoric.

Rewards, baby. All kinds.

Until you no longer know why you always provoke your partner and get them fired up into a rage with your attention seeking behavior. As much as you moan and complain about drama, it feels addictive, and like winning, to the attention-seeker.

# Using your neediness to win

This is about playing on your strengths and shoring up your weaknesses. For example, there are tons of successful business people who love attention. But, rather than using that personality trait doing things beneath their full potential, they direct it towards some challenging goal.

While you canít change your brain-wiring, you can create new habits that deactivate older ones. You can get out of your own way by: taking responsibility, completing difficult projects without giving up, and looking deep into yourself.