9 Ways To Help You Become A Better Listener

Has your partner ever mentioned that you don't seem to hear what they're saying? It's likely not due to a hearing problem, but rather a listening issue. Improving your listening skills can significantly enhance your relationship.

Effective communication is a common challenge for many couples and is often the root cause of relationship problems, making it an essential skill to develop.

Listening might seem effortless, but true listening involves actively paying attention, remembering what your partner says, and engaging with their words. If you fail to do this, your partner may feel ignored.

Listening is fundamental—from understanding the details of their day to empathizing with their feelings and concerns. If you’re not truly listening, your partner will notice.

By neglecting to listen, you miss out on understanding their needs and requests.

Listening is the cornerstone of communication, with speaking coming after. During conflicts, it’s crucial to listen not only to their words but also to their unspoken feelings.

Simply listening can make your partner feel loved, acknowledged, seen, and understood.

# Hear Them

Before you can truly listen, you must be aware that your partner is talking to you. If you're busy but hear them starting to speak, pause what you're doing and give them your full attention. If you can't stop immediately, let them know you'll be with them shortly.

This is crucial for becoming a better listener in a relationship. If they don’t feel acknowledged, their feelings are already being invalidated. Miscommunication often occurs when someone is too absorbed in their own activities to realize their partner is talking to them.

It only takes a moment to tell your partner you'll be with them soon instead of assuming they understand. Remember, they can't read your mind.

# Apologize

If you missed what your partner said the first time, apologize and try to rectify the situation. Strive to avoid letting it happen again, as repeated apologies lose their effectiveness.

If your partner points out a mistake you made, and you are indeed at fault, apologize. Don’t just listen to them express frustration about your errors; say sorry and show that you'll improve. Apologizing when appropriate can make you a better listener, especially when they feel unacknowledged or when you've done something wrong.

# Make a Note of What Your Partner Is Saying

If your partner often complains that you forget things, write them down. Put these notes in a visible place or set reminders on your phone or computer. If forgetting is the issue rather than not listening, writing everything down can help.

This way, you won't have an excuse to forget what they’ve told you. It shows accountability for your listening skills.

# Understand What They Are Saying

It's not just about understanding the language. You need to deeply consider what your partner is saying, how it affects you, and how you can help if they’re discussing a problem.

Don’t just hear their words; process their meaning. Being a good listener involves picking up on these cues, including the unspoken ones. Understand their perspective and try to grasp what they’re truly conveying.

# Do Not Give Unsolicited Advice

Wait for your partner to ask for your help. If they don’t, ask if they need it. Some people just need someone to listen, which is especially true for your partner.

Before offering advice, make sure they want it. If they’re looking for someone to listen rather than advise, respect that. To be a better listener, learn when to give advice and when to simply listen.

# Do Not Interrupt Them

Interrupting makes it harder to remember what they’re saying and is also rude. Your partner may resent this behavior. If you have something to say, wait until they pause or finish talking.

Consider how you would feel if they interrupted you every time you spoke. To be a good listener, let them finish their sentences and speak only when they’re done.

# Acknowledge What They Are Saying

Don’t just stare blankly at your partner while they’re talking. Show acknowledgment with nods or phrases like “Yes,” “Uh-huh,” or “I see.”

These simple cues show that you’re paying attention and are engaged in the conversation. They mean a lot to your partner and encourage them to continue.

# Do Your Best to Give Them What They Need

If your partner asks for something within your ability to provide, try to remember to do it. If it’s something you can’t do, explain your reasons and help them understand. But if they’re asking for something minimal, make an effort to meet their request.

Maybe they just want more quality time or for you to open up more. These requests probably took a lot of courage to voice, so try to meet them.

# Finish Your Conversations

Don’t leave a conversation unresolved, as this can lead to misunderstandings. Always ask your partner if they need anything else and ensure that the conversation is fully resolved before ending it. Don’t assume it's over and walk away.

They might have more to say but won’t bother if you seem eager to leave. If they end the conversation themselves, that’s fine, but don’t forget what’s already been discussed.

To be serious about becoming a better listener in your relationship, wait for them to signal that the conversation is over.