9 Tips To Make Your Criticism Constructive

Being in a relationship provides you with a friend and partner who can help you grow and improve, a benefit often overlooked. Your significant other can highlight areas for improvement in various aspects of your life, and it’s a two-way street – you can and should do the same for them.

In a healthy relationship, partners often seek and give advice honestly, even if it’s critical. When there is true love and trust, constructive criticism can be offered even unsolicited. The key lies in delivering it effectively, which is where the art of constructive criticism comes into play.

# Write it down first

When criticizing your significant other, it's easy for emotions to get in the way. The points you planned to discuss can vanish in the moment, leading to a nervous, diluted argument. Writing down what you want to say beforehand can help. Practice it out loud a few times to ensure clarity during the conversation. Once you've decided on your message, avoid self-censoring. The talk will flow more smoothly if you're not stumbling over your words.

# A spoonful of sugar

Pairing a criticism with a sincere compliment can soften its impact, making the person feel less attacked. For instance, if you think your partner needs to be nicer to one of your friends, start by complimenting them on a time they were friendly. Acknowledge their feelings and explain why it's important for them to be kinder.

# Stay calm and controlled

Keeping your emotions in check is crucial when offering criticism. Losing your temper can lead to a fight, rendering your advice ineffective. If the conversation starts to go poorly, it's better to pause and revisit it later. Staying calm may help your partner realize they were out of line once they've had time to cool down.

# Check your language

How you phrase your criticism is as important as the criticism itself. Avoid sounding bossy or commanding. Use phrases like "It seems to me..." or "What if you..." instead of "You should..." This gentler approach can make your partner more receptive to your feedback.

# Keep it light

To prevent the situation from escalating, try to present your criticism in a casual, light manner. Sometimes mentioning it in passing rather than having a formal sit-down talk can be more effective. However, be careful not to do this too often, as it can come across as nagging.

# Look at the bright side

When offering constructive criticism, balance it with positive points. Highlight times when your partner didn't exhibit the behavior you're criticizing. This not only makes them feel better but also shows they are capable of doing better.

# Pick your spots

Timing is key when bringing up criticism. Avoid discussing it during celebratory moments or when your partner is already stressed. Choose a neutral time when neither of you is in a heightened emotional state. Also, avoid contentious topics right before bed or meals, as people are generally more irritable then.

# Playing along

Open yourself up to criticism as well. Engage in an activity where you both write down three things you'd like each other to work on. This mutual exchange can make your partner more open to receiving feedback. It also helps build a culture of communication in your relationship, leading to fewer fights and more understanding.

# Know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em

Recognize when it's time to accept your partner's traits or move on. You can't change everything about someone, and sometimes you have to accept them as they are. If there are aspects you can't live with, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.