11 Things To Keep In Mind Before Dating A Perfectionist

I once dated a perfectionist, and let me tell you, that relationship lasted all of two months. To those of you who aren’t perfectionists but are dating one, I applaud you—there’s definitely some real love in that relationship.

As for me, I nearly lost my mind because I couldn’t bring myself to understand him. He had a problem with this, didn’t like that, and suddenly I found myself obsessing over things I’d never given much thought to before—making sure my hair was flawless, my clothes were perfectly pressed, and my makeup was always on point.

It was exhausting, especially for someone like me who’s perfectly content snuggling with my dog in the same pair of sweatpants for weeks (I do wash them, I promise).

The bottom line is, dating a perfectionist is challenging if you’re not one yourself. But in some ways, it made me more aware of myself and how I interact with others. So, did I learn something from the experience? Definitely.

Would I date a perfectionist again? Maybe a moderate one. But a full-on perfectionist? That’s a bit too much for me.

If you’re dating a perfectionist, there will likely be moments that test your sanity. But if you can figure out how to navigate and understand them, it could turn into a great relationship. It’s tough, but it’s definitely possible.

# Reflect on Yourself

Before you start pointing fingers at your partner, take a moment to examine your own tendencies. Many of us possess qualities that could be considered perfectionistic, even if not to the same extent as our partner. Consider where you fall on the perfectionism spectrum and identify areas where you might strive for perfection.

# Communicate Openly

Chances are, your partner is already aware of their perfectionist tendencies. True perfectionists have likely been reminded of this trait throughout their life, whether in school, work, or personal relationships. Engage in an open conversation about it—explore what triggers their perfectionism and how they feel when things don’t go as planned.

# Establish Boundaries

Both of you need to set boundaries that respect each other's needs. While you may need to accommodate some of their perfectionist behaviors, they should also be willing to compromise. For instance, if punctuality is non-negotiable for them, respect that. However, you should also express the behaviors or expectations you’re not comfortable with.

# Make Decisions Together

For major life decisions, it’s essential to collaborate with your partner. But when it comes to smaller choices—like picking a movie or deciding where to eat—don’t always let them take the lead. Perfectionists may want to plan everything meticulously, but remember, a relationship involves both partners, and life doesn’t always follow a script.

# Encourage Input Without Control

The goal isn’t to become a dictator in your relationship but to encourage your partner to ease up on their need to control everything. Allow them to share their thoughts and opinions, but ensure that the conversation remains open and balanced.

# Loosen the Daily Schedule

Perfectionists often have everything planned down to the last detail, sometimes even in a calendar or schedule book. While structure can be beneficial, try to gradually introduce more spontaneity. For example, leave the weekend plan-free and demonstrate that going with the flow can be just as enjoyable.

# Collaborate as a Team

Perfectionists tend to prefer handling tasks on their own to maintain control. However, it’s important to foster teamwork. Have them delegate tasks to you and complete them independently. While they might be tempted to take over, resisting this urge will be beneficial for both of you in the long run.

# Offer Positive Reinforcement

When a perfectionist’s plan doesn’t go as intended, it can feel like a disaster to them. This is where your support is crucial. Help them see that just because something didn’t go perfectly doesn’t mean it went badly. Highlight the positives in situations that don’t meet their exacting standards.

# Embrace Your Imperfections

When dating a perfectionist, it’s easy to fall into the trap of altering yourself to meet their expectations. However, it’s essential to show your imperfections and be true to who you are. Don’t hide your flaws or make drastic changes just to please them—they need to accept you as you are.

# Ensure You Truly Like Them

It may sound odd, but dating a perfectionist requires a lot of effort and investment. Make sure your feelings for them are strong enough to navigate the challenges that come with the relationship. If you genuinely care for them, you’ll be more willing to push through the tough times.

# Give Them Space for Self-Reflection

People often overlook their own personality flaws, including perfectionists. Once you’ve pointed out their perfectionism, give them the time and space to reflect on their behavior. There may be underlying reasons, such as past experiences or trauma, that have led them to develop these traits. However, they need to discover this on their own.