6 Reasons Why Dating A Widower Is So Hard

Dating a widower can be a rollercoaster of emotions, encompassing anger, sadness, guilt, and pervasive relationship anxiety. Often, their outward demeanor conceals a depth of turmoil you may not readily perceive behind their smile.

Regardless of when you lose your life partner, the sense of incompleteness persists. The absence of your beloved lingers, a perpetual ache in your heart.

I vividly recall returning home the day my husband passed away. At a mere 34 years old, with four young children, the youngest barely a year old, I grappled with the daunting task of breaking the news to them. The agony was twofold: the dread during the journey home and the heart-wrenching expressions on my children's faces, especially my 12-year-old, who had lost his closest confidant.

Becoming a widower shatters preconceived notions of life's trajectory, dismantling the comforting illusion of security.

Furthermore, it destabilizes one's sense of identity and permanence. For a decade, I had a clear understanding of who I was, only to find myself suddenly adrift, uncertain of my place in the world.

# They likely grapple with abandonment issues.

Similar to a child who has experienced neglect or abandonment, a widower often wrestles with unresolved feelings of abandonment, which can cloud their ability to navigate the complexities of a relationship. Fearing the pain of loss once more, they may instinctively push others away.

# They tend to exhibit signs of neediness or clinginess.

In your absence, they may experience heightened anxiety, manifesting as clinginess or neediness. Unless one has experienced the loss of a significant support figure, it's challenging to grasp the profound fear associated with potentially facing such vulnerability again.

If they develop feelings for you, they might harbor an overwhelming fear of losing you too. While a brief delay may seem insignificant to you, to someone consumed by fear and anxiety, it can conjure distressing scenarios of permanent separation.

# They may display tendencies to overreact.

Enduring significant stress triggers the release of adrenaline in the body, prompting a heightened fight or flight response. Having likely weathered intense situations, especially in cases of prolonged illness, widowers may find their adrenal glands exhausted, leading to a constant state of adrenaline production even at minor provocations.

Consequently, they may react swiftly with emotions such as anger, fear, or anxiety, which can overwhelm a new partner and lead to misunderstandings.

# Anger may surface prominently.

Anger simmers within a widower's heart. Unable to direct it towards the departed loved one or the injustices witnessed, they find themselves burdened with a reservoir of unresolved anger.

Like a brimming cup, this anger may overflow onto those around them, and once unleashed, it becomes challenging to contain.

Widowers often internalize their emotions to avoid discomforting others, resulting in confusion and misinterpretation when they do express their feelings.

# They may idealize their deceased partner.

In the absence of their loved one, fond memories become a cherished refuge. Mundane flaws are eclipsed by cherished moments and admirable qualities, creating an idealized image of the departed.

This idealization, though not reflective of reality, serves as a coping mechanism to navigate grief. For those dating a widower, it can be challenging to feel like they measure up, but there is no comparison—each relationship is unique.

# Navigating relationships with in-laws poses challenges.

Losing a spouse often entails a broader loss of identity and familial structure, necessitating a redefinition of self and relationships. Bereavement can unravel familial dynamics, exposing underlying tensions and conflicts.

Consequently, complex issues may arise, such as disapproval from in-laws regarding the pace of dating or perceived lack of support. It's essential not to take these reactions personally, as they stem from grief and not from any deficiency on your part.