12 Ways To Deal With The Emotional Baggage After A Divorce

Imagine tearing up your 'happily ever after' ticket only to find yourself in the land of 'what now?' Welcome to the emotional rollercoaster called dating after divorce.

Life threw you a curveball, and you caught it—kind of like catching the bouquet at a wedding, only less fun.

As you re-enter the dating scene, it's important to navigate these waters with care to avoid diving headfirst into another emotional whirlpool.

Fresh out of a relationship, legally unattached, the world of dating beckons like the allure of an unread message on a dating app.

But before you get swipe-happy, remember you might be carrying some heavy emotional baggage from your previous marriage.

Understanding this baggage psychologically and how it can impact your post-divorce dating life is crucial.

Emotional baggage doesn't necessarily mean a lifetime of drama. It could be unresolved feelings, lingering attachments, or insecurities built up over time.

In psychology, this is akin to the emotional 'Shadow Self'—aspects of your personality you might not want to admit to but play a crucial role in your relationships.

# Self-Awareness is Key

Before jumping back into dating, take some time to reflect. List what went wrong in your previous relationship without assigning blame.

# Consult an Expert

Talking with a psychologist can provide invaluable insights. They can help you identify your attachment style and develop strategies for healthier future relationships.

# Embrace the Power of Now

Living in the present moment can significantly reduce anxiety and improve your dating life.

# Time-Outs Aren’t Just for Kids

Taking a break from dating to focus on yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. Use this time to understand what you want and don’t want in a relationship.

# Cognitive Reframing

In psychology, cognitive reframing encourages viewing things in a new light. Instead of seeing the divorce as a failure, view it as a lesson or a new beginning. Mindset matters!

# Engage in “Self-Compassion Sessions”

Give yourself a break, literally and figuratively. Kristin Neff, an expert on self-compassion, emphasizes treating ourselves with the same kindness we would a good friend. If we can’t be our own cheerleader, who can?

# Set Healthy Boundaries

Post-divorce, lingering connections with your ex might exist, especially if kids are involved. Establishing clear boundaries can prevent old wounds from reopening. Remember, it’s like the safety instruction on airplanes – put your own oxygen mask on first.

# Reconnect with Yourself

Before being someone’s spouse, you were you. Rekindle an old hobby, listen to that 2000s emo playlist, or take that salsa class you’ve always dreamed about. Embrace the journey of rediscovering yourself.

# Practice “Distraction-Action”

Not to be confused with ignoring your feelings, but occasionally, it’s healthy to distract yourself with positive activities. Think of it as emotional interval training. Go out, read a book, dance, or binge-watch that show about teenagers with supernatural problems. It’s therapeutic, I promise!

# Join Support Groups

Healing loves company. Being around others who understand can be hugely comforting. You’ll quickly realize you’re not alone in this roller-coaster of emotions.

# Journaling

Think of it as ‘DIY therapy’. Writing down your feelings can provide clarity and serve as an outlet for those emotions that feel like they’re playing ping-pong in your head.

# The ‘Future-Self’ Exercise

Picture yourself five years from now. Where are you? What are you doing? How have you grown? This exercise can help you realign with your goals and give you hope for brighter days ahead. The sun always shines again, even after the stormiest of days.