9 Ways To Get A Guy To Open Up With Their Emotions

Sometimes, it can be challenging to communicate our thoughts and feelings with a guy. Emotional availability is the Holy Grail of modern dating and relationships. You've swiped right, gone on a few good dates, and maybe even met his dog. But now, you're faced with the daunting task of getting him to open up.

It might feel like you're trying to crack open a safe, but instead of money or jewels, you're after something far more valuable: raw, unfiltered emotions.

Before we attempt to unlock the treasure chest of his feelings, let's clarify one thing: Men aren't emotional Fort Knoxes that require a special combination to access.

Men are just people—sometimes emotionally guarded, yes, but people nonetheless. So, let's leave the emotional crowbars and grappling hooks at home, shall we?

# Let him know it's okay to talk about his emotions

Men are often conditioned to see discussing emotions as a sign of weakness. This could stem from childhood experiences, like being criticized for crying during a baseball game, or from being taught by their fathers to always be strong. To help him open up, assure him that you won’t think less of him for sharing his feelings.

# Show that you’re actively listening

During deep conversations, focus on truly understanding him rather than thinking about your next response. Active listening involves being fully present and engaged, inviting him to open up more. This approach is a key principle in Carl Rogers’ person-centered therapy, which emphasizes empathetic listening.

# Pay attention to nonverbal cues

Nonverbal signals like smiles, nods, and eye contact are essential. They show that you’re engaged and interested. Your body language, combined with his, adds depth to your conversations, like visual seasoning to a verbal steak.

# Use open-ended questions

Ask questions that invite more detailed responses. For example, instead of “Did you have a good day?” ask “What made your day interesting?” Open-ended questions, inspired by the Socratic method, encourage deeper thoughts and emotions.

# Reward him for expressing himself

When he communicates well, acknowledge and appreciate it. Compliment him, hug him, or show your appreciation in another way. Positive reinforcement helps him understand how you’d like him to express himself and encourages him to continue.

# Make time for uninterrupted conversations

Choose the right time for meaningful conversations, avoiding distractions like groceries or video games. Set aside dedicated time to focus solely on each other, such as a walk in the park, to foster a deeper connection.

# Don’t make fun of other men who are vulnerable

If you want your boyfriend to feel safe opening up, avoid mocking other men for expressing their emotions. Create an environment where he feels secure and respected for being vulnerable.

# Be vulnerable first

Sharing something personal about yourself can encourage him to reciprocate. This is known as the “reciprocity norm” in psychology, which is the social expectation to return what another person has provided.

# Respect his preferred communication style

If he’s more comfortable expressing his feelings through text messages, let him. Not everyone feels at ease with face-to-face conversations. Allow him to communicate in a way that suits him, even if it’s initially disjointed or awkward. The important thing is that he’s communicating.