9 Ways To Set Boundaries For Yourself

All healthy relationships share a common foundation: boundaries. But what exactly are boundaries? While they can vary for every couple, there are general guidelines for setting boundaries in a relationship.

Boundaries help ensure conflicts don’t escalate and prevent either partner from overstepping into matters the other may want to handle independently.

The boundaries you establish will depend on your specific relationship, but they should always support the relationship as a whole, rather than benefit just one person.

Essentially, boundaries define ownership and responsibility. In romantic relationships, these aren’t usually physical possessions but more abstract in nature.

Boundaries help distinguish where you and your partner begin and end as individuals.

They create necessary limits between you and your partner, ideally benefiting both of you and fostering mutual understanding. In short, boundaries outline each person’s responsibilities and individual identity, without merging into a single identity as a couple.

Boundaries can take many forms, from physical space and actions to attitudes, emotions, values, and preferences.

For instance, if you don’t like being touched in a certain way, you can say no. Or, if you speak harshly to your partner, it's important to take responsibility, apologize, and ensure it doesn’t happen again.

One of the key reasons for setting boundaries is to prevent blame and frustration. Healthy boundaries minimize the risk of partners blaming each other when issues arise.

While boundaries are personal and unique to each relationship, there are some common boundaries people establish to foster healthy relationships.

Here are a few essential personal boundaries to consider in a new relationship to ensure mutual respect and care.

# They're in a relationship or married

Unless they’ve broken up with their partner or are actively going through a divorce, there's no reason for you to be involved with this person. If they claim they’ll leave their partner for you, believe it when it happens, not before. In the meantime, don't waste your time. You’re just filling a temporary role, helping them cope with whatever issues they have at home. Don’t be their emotional crutch—they can see a therapist or find other help.

# No means no

It doesn’t matter who they are—whether male or female, tall or short, or what their interests are—when you say “no,” they need to respect it. If someone can’t understand or chooses to ignore your “no,” it shows a lack of respect. They simply don’t care. Sure, dating the "bad boy" or the "cool girl" might seem thrilling, but in the long run, it’s not worth it. Haven’t you seen enough rom-coms? They always end up alone.

# Someone who can’t apologize

It might not seem like a big deal at first, but if you’re dating someone who refuses or doesn’t know how to say sorry, run. This is one of the most crucial boundaries in dating. Acknowledging mistakes and taking responsibility are vital. If they mess up and won’t apologize, you’ll find yourself in a draining cycle where you're always taking the blame. Over time, you’ll go quiet, accepting fault in every argument, and it will wear you down emotionally and mentally.

# Immature partners

We all have some unresolved issues from our childhood, whether it’s an overbearing parent or a moment when we didn’t get support we needed. But don’t become someone’s parent in the relationship. If they have personal issues, they need to work on them. While you can be supportive, their baggage is theirs to carry. A healthy relationship is equal, not one where you’re the caregiver for all their needs.

# Unkindness to others

If you want to gauge what kind of person your partner is, pay attention to how they treat their parents. Are they unnecessarily rude or emotionally abusive? If they can speak unkindly to the people who raised them, don’t expect them to treat you any better. If they disrespect those closest to them, what makes you think you’re an exception?

# Don’t chase anyone

It’s natural to feel the sting of rejection, but if someone isn’t reciprocating your interest, don’t waste your energy chasing them. Move on. They might realize later that they missed out on a great person, or they might not. Either way, if you’re running after them, you’re only setting yourself up to be treated poorly. Don’t let yourself become a fool.

# Liars

Lying in a relationship is a serious red flag. If someone is dishonest with you—whether it’s about cheating or other things—you don’t need that in your life. You shouldn’t have to play detective, sifting through texts or searching for clues to uncover the truth. Relationships aren’t a treasure hunt; they’re meant to be built on trust.

# Name-calling

We’re adults, not kids on a playground. If your partner resorts to name-calling or degrading comments, it's a sign of disrespect. You don’t need that negativity. If you’ve addressed this behavior and they continue to ignore you, it’s time to let them go. Respect is non-negotiable.

# Pushing sexual boundaries

If you're not comfortable with certain sexual activities, like trying something new or participating in things like threesomes, stand your ground. Everyone has different levels of sexual experience and preferences, and that’s okay. The important thing is to have open conversations and establish clear boundaries about what you are and aren’t comfortable with in the bedroom. Don’t let them push you into anything you’re not ready for.