11 Exceptions For Keeping Secrets In A Relationship

Many magazines advise against keeping secrets in a relationship, and we’ve echoed that sentiment too. To a certain extent, it’s valid—you should be able to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. But are there some secrets that are okay to keep? We’d argue, yes.

Take, for instance, whether you need to tell your partner how many people you've slept with. The answer is no. Some secrets can cause unnecessary pain. They might not only be viewed as dishonesty but could also foster resentment, suspicion, and unhappiness.

The more secrets you keep, the higher the chances of becoming an outright liar. What may seem unusual to others could be entirely normal to you. While it’s a bit unsettling, it happens. So, is keeping a secret from your partner really worth it?

Though secrets are generally not advisable, there are certain exceptions. In some cases, keeping them won’t lead to the downfall of your relationship, thanks to unspoken understandings.

# A Surprise

Everyone loves a good surprise, especially when it marks a special occasion meant to be cherished forever. Whether you're planning a party or buying a special gift, keeping the surprise under wraps is perfectly fine. Surprises like buying jewelry, recreating your first date, or planning a fun getaway are healthy secrets in a relationship—assuming your partner enjoys surprises. Keeping a surprise gift hidden is entirely different from withholding other types of secrets, so there's no need to worry in this case.

# A Proposal

Whether you’re asking someone to be your girlfriend, move in together, or proposing marriage, these are often secrets for a time. What makes them acceptable is that the secret will soon be revealed, and in most cases, it leads to good news. To make the proposal memorable, invest your time and effort and enjoy their reaction. Keeping secrets like a proposal is harmless when your intentions are pure.

# What You Talk to Your Friends About

Both men and women have conversations with their friends that don’t necessarily need to be shared with their partners. It’s not that these conversations would cause conflict, but everyone deserves some privacy. While secrets in a relationship can be harmful, certain discussions, such as venting about minor irritations like your partner’s snoring, can be kept between you and your close friends.

# Your Feelings About Their Family

This one can be tricky. You don't always have to share your feelings about your in-laws with your partner. If your concerns are minor, like not liking your partner's mother’s cooking, it's okay to keep them to yourself. However, if your issues with their family become serious, it’s essential to communicate. Timing and sensitivity are key when discussing such matters.

# External Secrets

Your partner doesn't need to know every secret your friends confide in you. Just as your relationship has its boundaries, so do friendships. If your best friend tells you something in confidence, it’s okay to keep that information to yourself—it doesn’t affect your relationship.

# An Innocent Crush

It’s natural to admire someone from afar, even when you're in a relationship. As long as these feelings remain harmless and you don’t act on them, it’s okay to keep them to yourself. Secret crushes are fine, as long as they don’t interfere with the trust and connection in your relationship.

# An Embarrassing Moment from the Past

We all have moments we’d rather forget, whether it’s a failed career path or an embarrassing public performance. Keeping these memories to yourself is fine as long as they’re in the past, and you’ve moved on from them. Not every aspect of your past needs to be shared.

# Finding One of Their Friends Attractive

It’s normal to find one of your partner’s friends attractive, as long as you never act on that attraction. There’s no reason to share this with your partner, as it could cause unnecessary tension. It's best to keep this kind of secret to yourself.

# You Weren't Initially Attracted to Them

Attraction often grows over time as you get to know someone. However, mentioning that you weren’t immediately attracted to your partner won’t add any value to your relationship and could be hurtful. Since this information is outdated and irrelevant, it’s better left unsaid.

# You’ve Had Better Sex

If you’ve had more exciting sexual experiences in the past, there’s no need to share this with your current partner. Bringing it up will only hurt their feelings and won't strengthen your relationship. Focus on the connection you share rather than comparisons.

# Your Number of Sexual Partners

Whether you've been with a few or many people, this is personal information that doesn’t need to be disclosed unless it impacts your partner’s health, such as in the case of STIs. The number of sexual partners you've had in the past has no bearing on your current relationship.

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