11 Signs You Are Emotionally Unavailable

"Do I struggle with emotional unavailability?" This is a question that not enough individuals ponder frequently. Those who grapple with emotional unavailability often perceive others as excessively open or devise explanations for why they're unable to form close connections.

Is this something you can relate to? Identifying whether you might be emotionally unavailable can be challenging, and acknowledging it can be even more so. Once you've determined that you might be emotionally unavailable, there is a significant amount of inner work required to become more open.

However, let's first delve into the true meaning of emotional unavailability.

Being emotionally unavailable means you are uncomfortable discussing both your own emotions and those of others. It is typically associated with a fear of intimacy, which can be rooted in various sources such as past relationships or childhood experiences.

If you're asking yourself, "Am I emotionally unavailable?" consider how well you interact with others. Emotional unavailability can impede your romantic relationships, friendships, and even your ability to collaborate effectively in the workplace.

Individuals who are emotionally unavailable struggle to share their feelings with others and often feel uneasy when others share their emotions with them.

Furthermore, emotionally unavailable individuals tend to believe that others reveal too much or too quickly. They may categorize people as needy or desperate for desiring a personal connection, even though they themselves are holding back from forming such connections.

Think of emotional availability in a similar light to any other form of availability. Just as being available to make plans requires free time, emotional availability necessitates the capacity and willingness to connect with others.

However, just like a busy schedule can occupy your time, other aspects of your life can occupy the emotional space, making it difficult for others to find a place within it.

# You enjoy the thrill of the pursuit

If you derive satisfaction from the early stages of dating, characterized by uncertainty about someone's feelings towards you, but promptly withdraw when their affections are revealed, it's a strong indicator of emotional unavailability.

You relish the exhilaration of ambiguity and unpredictability but find it tedious or overwhelming once emotions are openly expressed.

# You resist compromise

An emotionally unavailable person will avoid inconveniencing themselves. They won't go out of their way to make plans, preferring to meet close to home or at their convenience. They won't adjust their plans to accommodate someone else's needs, whether it's for a date or a social outing with friends and family.

# You frequently encounter obstacles

In your dating experiences, you consistently encounter barriers preventing you from progressing further. You never seem to surpass the initial stages, often terminating things within a month or after a few dates, precisely when most people begin to open up.

# You perpetually seek imperfections

Emotional unavailability often serves as a defense mechanism. One way to prevent getting too close to someone is to push them away, even when there's no legitimate reason.

If you notice yourself being excessively critical or overly selective in your dating approach, you're deliberately creating flaws as an excuse to terminate relationships prematurely.

# You grapple with impatience

Losing your temper with service workers or waitstaff is another indication that you're unwilling to adjust your schedule to accommodate others' needs. A lack of patience demonstrates an inflexibility to accommodate or collaborate with others.

# You conceal your past

Your reluctance to discuss past relationships or childhood experiences may signify emotional unavailability. Avoiding sharing your life experiences demonstrates a lack of vulnerability and a reluctance to establish deep connections with someone.

# You evade discussions about the future

Not only do you shy away from conversations about the past, but you also steer clear of making future plans with others. You're averse to depending on someone or having them depend on you.

If even contemplating commitment a few weeks ahead triggers anxiety, it's a strong indication of emotional unavailability.

# You perceive others as needy

Labeling someone you're dating or a friend as needy for seeking your assistance or reaching out indicates challenges in forming genuine connections. The intimacy that comes with friendship or dating may be uncomfortable for you, making you perceive others as excessively demanding.

# You keep your options open

You constantly wait for something better, maintaining alternative prospects even when you're involved with someone you genuinely like and can't pinpoint any flaws. Settling down or committing seems undesirable to you.

# You shun relationship milestones

Even after seeing someone for an extended period, you actively avoid relationship milestones such as meeting their friends or family, attending their work events, or sharing life moments. You are reluctant to embark on vacations together or even having them at your place when you step out for a coffee.

# You view relationships as a "duty"

While relationships may entail occasional compromises or tasks you'd rather not undertake, love should never feel like an obligation. Even during the least pleasant chores, such as taking out the trash, you should be doing them out of love and a desire to make your partner's life easier, rather than viewing them as burdensome duties.