Tips To Help You Overcome Trauma Of Toxic Relationship

It takes very less expectations for human beings to be emotionally and physically close to each other. Life seems better shared. And yet no area of human endeavor seems more fraught with challenges and difficulties than our relationships with others. Relationships, like most things in life worth having, require effort.Even good relationships take work. After all, our significant other, our close friends, and even our parents aren’t perfect.

We have to learn how to accommodate and adapt to their idiosyncrasies, their faults, their moods, etc., just as they must learn how to do the same with us. And it’s worth it.

Some relationships, however, are more difficult and require proportionately more work. We are not clones but individuals, and some individuals in relationships are going to have more difficulties, more disagreements. But because we value these relationships we’re willing to make the effort it takes to keep them.

# Remind yourself of your tremendous worth often.

Part of what keeps some of us coming back to unhealthy relationships is our struggle with our worth. This is understandable, especially after dealing with one or several relationships in which people treated us as if we weren’t worthy.

But once I remembered what I wanted in a relationship, that I deserved and would find an excellent partner, and that I didn’t need to settle, my mindset changed. I wasn’t willing to put up with people who mistreated me anymore because I knew it would be a waste of time. Do what you need to do — follow inspiring Instagram accounts, writing encouraging notes on your mirror, talk to loved ones, or whatever else helps remind you of your worth. Not long after I did, I met my amazing girlfriend.

# Brainstorm and listen to green flags and red flags as you enter and continue in the relationship.

If you’re like the old me (and sometimes the new me), you may ignore red flags because you want to hold onto relationships and see the best in people. However, if you listen to those red flags rather than excusing them and move along to new people, you’ll be grateful you did. Trust your gut when you sense a red flag.

At the same time, be on the lookout for green flags as well. What do you see in this potential partner that you really appreciate and emotionally need? What are signs they’re treating you better than previous partners? Do they make you feel good about yourself and you two as a couple?

# earn to be okay with being single.

Because I was so desperate for someone to date and love me romantically, I would put up with yellow and red flags. I thought my worth came from being in a relationship and that I couldn’t be fully happy without one.

However, with one guy I casually dated, I ended up feeling unhappy more often than I felt happy. After I broke things off, I felt free. I was proud of myself for taking power back and excited for the better relationships I knew were coming. I reminded myself that my worth is inherent. I reminded myself of my many amazing friends and organizations that could help fill my time, treat me well, and make me feel good.

# Continue to work on handling your past trauma, preferably with a therapist if possible.

Unhealthy relationships can leave us with unhelpful messages. They can make us feel as though we aren’t worthy of good things, that people will soon leave us, or that we’re not good partners. With the help of a therapist or trusted love one, we can learn those messages aren’t true. We’ll learn we can trust the green flags in new potential partners and believe them when they say we’re good people who deserve the world. We’ll be able to live into that healthy relationship fully and feel happy.

# Talk about your potential partner with trusted loved ones, seeing how they feel and what they think.

Sometimes, our loved ones can see red flags in our partners better than we can. They may notice signs we should pay attention to that we don’t catch because we’re (understandably) caught up in the excitement of a new potential relationship.

Talk to your friends, family members, et cetera about this potential new partner and even hang out together. Later, ask about the red, yellow, and green flags they saw. Trust your gut feelings, and trust theirs as well.

# See if any trusted love ones know of people they like that you could date.

When you already have mutual friends with a person, your chances of them treating you well may be higher. Talk to friends, family members, and more to see if they know of someone they think highly of who’s single and may be interested in you.

If you end up going on a date with that person, trust your own feelings too. Just because they treat your loved one well doesn’t mean they’ll treat you well, so take care of yourself and be mindful.

# Don’t question the good that comes your way.

When you find a healthy relationship and notice many green flags, let yourself feel excited and grateful. Remember, you deserve goodness! Even though this is easier said than done, try not to worry or question their positive behavior unless a yellow or red flag pops up. Continue to check in with yourself, of course, but don’t fear or feel unworthy of healthy love.